Source Youtube Channel: PriaBerkelas
Have you ever, bro, when you see a man lose his partner, the man looks fine, sometimes a good man doesn't have to leave a long message when he's gone, just shut up, then really lost, not because he doesn't love anymore, but because he's tired of being the only one fighting, he's given everything, like attention, patience, and understanding, but still considered ordinary, until finally, when he's really gone, then the woman realizes, it turns out that the loss of a good man is not just the loss of someone, but the loss of a figure that used to be always there even when the world left. Well, in this video I want to talk about how when a woman loses a good man, this is what she will feel. So, prepare your coffee, sit back and watch until it's over.
Because this will change how you act, because a good man doesn't always leave because he's tired of loving, sometimes the man leaves because he finally realizes, because his love is not appreciated, and when he's gone, the woman knows that calm is what the woman needs most. Before we discuss one by one, try writing in the comments column from which city you are watching this video, don't forget to press the subscribe, like, and share buttons so that more people understand that sometimes a woman just realizes who the best man in her life is after he's really gone. All the attention, patience, and sincerity that used to feel ordinary turns out to leave an empty space that is difficult to replace.
Here I will invite us to contemplate about how calm is often more valuable than love that is full of drama because the loss of a good man is not just the loss of someone, but the loss of a figure who sincerely loves without regret. First, the illusion of release and false calm. There is no loss that feels heavy at first, when the relationship ends, many women actually feel relieved, as if the burden that has been stuck on the pillow is finally lifted, there are no more notifications to be answered, there are no more people who remember this and that, and there is no longer a small debate that must be faced.
Everything feels calm, but everything is calm. Calmness is often misinterpreted as freedom, even though in many cases it is just an illusion of release. A psychological phase where someone feels free after getting rid of a stable but boring relationship without realizing that stability is actually a long-term emotional need.
We live in an era where love is often associated with strong emotions, fervor, drama, and adrenaline. Peaceful and stable relationships are often misunderstood as shallow. A good man with his patience and consistency does not present a big emotional wave that creates a sense of life and that is where the initial barrier arises.
A woman can feel that a good man is too flat, too predictable, too calm. She might think, I need something more challenging. However, when the relationship ends and the figure leaves, it is time to prove that peace is not boredom, but adulthood.
This phenomenon is not just a romantic story, but has a clear psychological basis. In the psychology of relationships, there is the term Emotional Dysregulation Preference, that is, someone's tendency to feel attracted to the dynamics of rising and falling emotions because it gives an intense sensation, although it often hurts. A calm relationship sometimes feels strange, even less alive.
And when someone is used to that calmness, then the loss of it, the body and mind only begin to realize that silence without it turns out to be more painful than the hassle with it. Second, Why are good men often considered ordinary? To understand why many women only regret after the loss of a good man, we must go through the psychological roots of the perception that a good man is boring. Good men generally have three main characteristics, consistent, patient, and emotionally stable.
Unfortunately, these three things do not generate a strong emotional stimulus. In the world of relationship psychology, this is called the stability paradox. Humans want peace, but often feel a loss of dignity when they get it.
Some women who grow up in an environment full of dynamics, for example, often see a relationship full of conflict, drama, or emotional distance, can assess that a peaceful love is not a real love. They are used to associating love with struggle. As a result, when there is a good man who is present with patience, empathy, and openness, a strange feeling arises, as if it is not challenging, not attractive.
From the point of view of development psychology, this can be explained through the concept of attachment style. Women with anxious attachment tend to feel more stimulated by a partner who is not always available, because the feeling of uncertainty creates a strong emotional drive. On the contrary, a good man with secure attachment provides stability that does not cause anxiety.
And because of that, the relationship feels less intense, even though intensity is not a measure of love quality. Healthy love often feels boring, because it does not provoke drama. But behind the boredom there is a sense of security, appreciation, and a common growth space.
However, this kind of awareness rarely comes at the beginning. It takes a loss to open your eyes, it takes hesitation to understand the meaning of presence. A good man is not always good at making romantic surprises, but he is always there when needed.
He may not know how to say sweet words, but he knows how to listen without judging. And when that presence disappears, the world suddenly feels less stable. Not because the relationship is perfect, but because the woman finally realizes that kindness is an unchangeable foundation.
Third, the emotional stage of a woman after losing a good man. Losing a good person is not just an emotional event, it is a layered psychological process. Usually women experience several stages of the mind after a good man is really gone.
Each stage has its own meaning and learning. First stage, denial and illusion of strength. At the beginning of a breakup, most women refuse to feel sick.
There is a self-defense mechanism at work, called emotional denial, or what makes someone believe that he is just fine. He says to his friends, I've moved on. He looks busy, more active on social media, as if his life is full of new freedom.
But that's not true happiness, it's a form of coping mechanism or effort to avoid loss, by covering up the wound through distraction. Psychologically, this phase is important. This is how the brain protects itself from acute emotional stress.
But if left for too long, denial can hamper the recovery process. Because in the end, whatever is pressed will find a way to come back. Second stage, Emptiness and emotional dissonance.
After my phase is over, comes the most silent phase. Suddenly, all the small things that used to be considered trivial start to feel different. No more routine messages, no more spontaneous attention, no longer a calming voice.
The mental space that used to be filled by the presence of someone is now empty. This is called emotional dissonance, or the inconsistency between what is felt and what is believed. The heart says, I miss you, but the mind says, I have to be strong.
This mental battle makes someone lose emotional balance. He starts to have trouble sleeping, losing interest in the things he used to like, and gradually losing his direction. In relationship psychology, emptiness after the loss of a supportive partner is known as attachment withdrawal.
This is similar to the attraction effect of a habit that gives a sense of security. Because a stable relationship actually creates a system that regulates emotions together. When two people become a source of peace, when one leaves, the system is unstable, and the body and mind need time to adjust.
Step 3. Nostalgia and memory distortion. Time goes by, and memories start to come back, but not complete memories. The human brain has a unique way of remembering the past.
It tends to keep positive moments and erase negative details. This phenomenon is called Rosy Retrospection, or the tendency to see the past more beautifully than its reality. Women begin to remember small things, such as how men laughed, their patience with anger, or how they remained silent but still there when needed.
As time goes by, those memories become the ideal version of their relationship. He starts to think, it turns out he's not as bad as I thought. And from this point on, regret begins to grow.
However, regret at this stage is not entirely clear. He is still mixed up in longing and guilt. The woman doesn't really want to go back, but she begins to feel a real loss.
Step 4. Regret and self-awareness. As time goes by, and there is nothing left that can fill that empty space, a new awareness arises. Women begin to understand that a good man is not easy to find.
That a small attention that used to be considered trivial turns out to be the purest form of love. That not everyone can patiently understand and resist every emotion without retaliating with anger. At this stage, many women begin to evaluate themselves.
They begin to ask, why was I so cold before? Why didn't I appreciate him when he was still here? This process is called self-confrontation. The moment when someone dares to see themselves honestly and realize their contribution to the collapse of the relationship. Although painful, this phase is important.
Because this is where the seed of self-growth is planted. The feeling of guilt is not to be regretted without an end, but to be understood and processed into a new awareness. Step 5. Acceptance and transformation.
The final stage of this emotional journey is acceptance. Women begin to see the relationship of the past without excessive rejection or idealization. She begins to understand that loss is not a punishment, but a lesson.
In psychology, this is known as post-traumatic growth, or growth after emotional injury. Someone who goes through loss with deep reflection will grow into a more aware, more mature person, and more willing to love in a healthy way. True acceptance does not mean forgetting, but acknowledging the role of the past.
Step 6. is the first step in forming a new self. And at this point, the woman is no longer crying for the departure of a good man. She is actually grateful because she was once loved in such a sincere way.
Step 7. The psychological aspect of regret. When a woman regrets after the loss of a good man, the regret does not appear suddenly. Because it is the result of a complex emotional process.
To understand why this often happens, we need to look at three main aspects, namely relational thinking patterns, emotional needs, and perceptions of goodness. RELATIONAL THINKING PATTERN Love as validation. Some women grow with the belief that they realize that love must feel like a struggle.
That true love means chasing someone who is hard to get. When they meet a good man who is always there and does not cause anxiety, the belief system is shaken. Their small heart says, this is comfortable.
But the thought that they realize, this is too easy, there must be something wrong. This phenomenon is explained by psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth in the theory of attachment. Someone who is used to an unstable attachment pattern in childhood, for example, lack of consistent love from parents, tends to look for dynamics similar in adult relationships.
In other words, they feel safe in uncertainty and feel strange in stability. Therefore, when a good man comes with constant calmness and attention, the reaction that he is aware of it is rejection. He doesn't know how to receive love without drama.
And when the man leaves, he realizes that what used to be considered too calm is actually the safest form of love he's ever had. Emotional need, between sensation and stability. Love is often misinterpreted as a heart-pounding sensation, a feeling of envy, longing that hurts or a laugh that explodes.
Whereas adult love is more like a calm, comfortable, and safe feeling. However, the human nervous system, especially the dopamine system, is more prone to new and uncertain things. That is why a relationship full of drama feels more alive.
A good man does not play with emotions. He does not cause fear of loss, does not make us wonder if he still cares. He is constant.
But precisely because it is too constant, the brain considers it uninteresting. We lose the stimulation that usually makes us fall in love. When a good man leaves, our emotional system loses its center of stability.
The woman begins to realize that a relationship full of sensations does not always bring long-term happiness. She begins to understand that healthy love does not make the heart beat every day, but makes the heart calm at all times. Perception of kindness between the weak and the adult.
There is also a social factor that plays a role. Many women are raised in a culture that values that the dominant man is more attractive. A good man, with a soft and patient attitude, is often considered less firm or less daring.
Whereas kindness is not a weakness, it is a proof of a strong self-control. Modern psychologists like Brené Brown and Jordan Peterson explain that adult kindness is born from the ability to control strength, not from helplessness. A good man chooses to be patient not because he is weak, but because he knows anger does not solve anything.
He chooses to be calm not because he has no emotions, but because he appreciates peace more than ego. However, this perception is only realized after loss. When a good man is no longer there, only then does the woman realize that the world does not offer many people that kind of patience.
Then the fifth, when peace turns into emptiness. One of the most interesting things about the loss of a good man is how the peace that used to feel ordinary turns into emptiness that is difficult to explain. In a relationship, peace is often not realized.
When the man is always there, always understanding and always giving space. The woman feels that it is normal. But after the breakup, she feels that presence is not a small thing.
It is the foundation of emotion. In psychology, this concept is known as the emotional base, that is, someone who is the source of our psychological stability. When the emotional base is lost, the body and mind lose their balance.
That is why many people who lose a good partner feel that their life is a mess. Although that relationship was not considered perfect in the past, this emptiness can trigger two extreme reactions. The first, overcompensation.
They will try to fill the void with excessive busyness, entertainment or new relationships. The second, withdrawal. They may completely shut themselves up, avoid new relationships because they are afraid of repeating the wound.
Both are a form of escape from the sense of loss that has not been healed. Whereas what is needed is not to replace but to understand the meaning of that loss itself. The loss of a man is not just the loss of a person, but the loss of the version of oneself that was once loved sincerely.
And the process to regain that sense of security begins from within, by restoring the relationship with oneself. Sixth, self-awareness and self-growth process. Not all losses end in permanent injury.
For some women, the loss of a good man is actually an introspection moment in their lives. The feeling of guilt turns into a reflection. Reflection turns into awareness, and awareness eventually gives birth to growth.
There are three important stages in this process. First, admitting the pattern. Growth begins with honesty.
A woman who dares to look inside herself and say, I am lost because I do not respect. That means the woman is stepping into the stage of true awareness. She begins to recognize patterns.
Why is she attracted to unhealthy relationships? Why does she ignore calm love? Why is it difficult for her to receive sincere attention? This awareness is a form of emotional metacognition, the ability to observe one's own thoughts and feelings without directly judging. With this awareness, someone begins to have control over their life, not just reacting to it. Second, forgiving oneself.
Regret often turns into a heavy burden. However, blaming oneself continuously only extends the wound. The second stage of growth is self-forgiveness.
Because we do not know how to love the right way at that time. Forgiving oneself does not mean forgetting, but understanding that everyone can only act based on their level of awareness at that time. A woman who used to not appreciate a good man not because he was bad, but because he was not emotionally mature.
Now, after realizing that he has a choice to change. Third, growing. A new version of oneself.
True growth. It happens when someone begins to apply the learnings from the wound. The woman begins to learn to accept love in a more mature way.
No longer demanding drama to feel loved. No longer testing someone's patience to prove sincerity. No longer rejecting the presence just because of fear of loss.
She began to appreciate kindness without the need for loss first. And at this point, the loss of a good man turns into the biggest emotional investment in his life. Expensive learning that teaches him the meaning of true love.
Seventh, avoiding the same pattern of loss. After someone learns from the loss, the next challenge is not to repeat the same pattern. In the world of relationship psychology, this is called the Breaking the Attachment Cycle.
There are several concrete steps that can be taken so that the experience of loss becomes the foundation, not the first trauma. Increase emotional awareness. Learn to recognize the feelings that arise when you are close to a good person.
Sometimes, feeling uncomfortable with stability is not because of boredom, but because the body is not used to calm love. Train yourself to enjoy peace, not just chasing sensations. Second, build a sense of security from the inside.
Don't expect your partner to be the only source of emotional stability. Learn to calm down, validate your own feelings, and recognize the unfulfilled mental needs. Thus, the next relationship is not built from dependence, but from healthy togetherness.
Third, appreciate consistency more than intensity. Intense relationships often intoxicate, but consistent relationships grow trust. A woman who has learned from the loss will appreciate a man who remains the same every day, not surprising only once.
Fourth, communicate needs honestly, often. Relationships with men should end due to miscommunication. Women hold themselves back so they don't seem demanding, while good men think everything is fine.
In fact, honest communication is a bridge between two equally sincere hearts. Learn to talk without blaming, listen without judging. These two things can prevent repeated loss.
Eighth, value presence. When a woman loses a good man, she doesn't just lose someone, she loses the version of herself that is loved unconditionally, the version of herself that has been cared for unconditionally. However, such loss does not always end in sadness, it can be a turning point.
In the journey of self-development, there are moments when the wound changes to become a teacher. The loss of a man should teach that true love is not what makes us explode, but what makes us calm, not what is full of promises, but what quietly adheres. And when the woman finally truly grows, she no longer looks for a good man just to be owned, but so that she can become someone worthy of that kindness.
A mature love does not focus on who owns who, but on who is able to grow together. A good man may have gone, but his value is rooted in the heart, as a reminder that kindness is not to be used, but to be appreciated. So, never take someone who is always patient, loyal, and tries to understand you without much talk for granted.
That kindness does not come every day. And not everyone has that big of a heart. Sometimes a good man leaves not because he stops loving, but because he realizes that his love is no longer appreciated.
And when he really leaves, the regret does not come because of the loss of the person, but because of the loss of the calmness that you used to think was normal. So before it's all too late, learn to appreciate the presence of someone while he is still there, because the sincere one will not come twice in the same way.